Off Balance Read online

  “I get that the healing pods can heal almost anything, but—”

  “Have I ever gotten you into any trouble?”

  I wasn’t sure he could make out the ferocity of my glare from the ground, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t giving it to him. “You left me in prison on Earth. You let them ship me off to Abaddon, where I nearly burned to death three times, and that’s not counting what happened on the moon. Are you sure you want me to answer that question honestly?”

  Declan crossed his arms as he looked up at me.

  “She’s got a valid point,” Ahiga said loud enough so that I could hear his deep rumble. He rubbed a hand over his shaved head. “I’m on your side, Ami. This is nuts. Climb down. Or drop, and I’ll catch you. I won’t let you hit the floor.”

  I stretched a leg out to find a toehold. My hands were getting sweaty, and I didn’t feel like breaking any bones today. Or ever for that matter.

  This was stupid. I should climb down. I should—

  “I promise you’ve done this before. You could go up another ten feet and be fine. This was your favorite thing when you were a toddler and—”

  Oh my god. Not this again. I didn’t remember that. “If it’s so easy, you come up here and do it. Show me.”

  “Yeah. Go ahead, Dec,” Ahiga said. “Because there’s no way in hell I’m doing it, and I’ve done some crazy shit.”

  I wiped one hand at a time on my shirt and then held on tight. I wasn’t afraid of heights. That wasn’t my issue here. I could climb down just fine. I didn’t get why I had to jump four stories to the ground. I really, really didn’t want to break my legs today.

  I didn’t get what Declan wanted me to do exactly. How was I supposed to land and not get hurt?

  “Explain it to me one more time.”

  The way he threw his hands in the air and then pulled on his hair told me he was just as frustrated with me as I was with him. I considered a few rude hand gestures to throw back at him, but the ones I wanted to do needed two hands, and I was trying hard not to fall.

  “Just let go.”

  Oh my god. I was going to kill him. That didn’t tell me anything.

  “I want you to land here—” Declan stomped on a green square. “—with a backflip, then go running at the wall. I want to time how long it takes for you to get from landing to up there again.”

  Land with a backflip? I wasn’t diving into a pool of water. That was the freaking floor. It was magical flooring for sure, but was it enough to take away the force from a forty-foot fall? “You’re asking for a lot with very little instruction. How do I activate my super-duper, no-break bones?”

  He laughed. “Smartass.”

  “Ass-ass,” I yelled down at him.

  “When we go back to Earth to fight, you need to be able to use everything you have to your advantage. This is something that you need to learn—how to use your speed and strength and agility. This is what will make the difference against SpaceTech. Trust me, by the time you were six, you could do this in less than ten seconds.”

  I didn’t remember that, but I didn’t remember anything from back then. My mother had my mind wiped while we were on the run from SpaceTech. I’d been acting too Aunare and would’ve gotten us caught. Everything I knew before Liberation Week was gone. He could’ve been right, but he could also be lying his ass off to get me to do what he wanted.

  “Bullshit, Dec. No way any six-year-old kid could’ve done this and not broken their neck. And I don’t think my mom would’ve let me attempt something like this.”

  “Want me to call up a vid and prove it?”

  I held on to the grip with one hand, shaking off my other. If I didn’t start climbing down soon, I was going to accidentally do what Declan wanted, and then I might prove him right. That would be annoying. “If this is so easy, then you get your ass up here and do it! Show me how.”

  “I’m an Earther. I can’t. I’d break my neck.”

  Wait a second. He was too chicken to do this, and yet it’s perfectly fine for me to do it? “I’m an Earther.”

  “No. You’re Aunare.”

  “No. I’m a halfer. That means I’m half Earther, you dick. If falling from here will kill you, it’ll kill me, too. Asshole.” I said the last under my breath. I wasn’t sure if he heard me or not, and I didn’t care.

  “You’re more Aunare than Earther. If you’d just—”

  “Ahiga! Are you just going to sit there and say nothing when he’s saying he’d break his neck doing it? After everything we’ve been through?”

  “I already told you to climb down,” Ahiga yelled up at me. “For what it’s worth, I see Lorne and more than half a dozen other Aunare in here doing this every day. If they can do it, I know you can, too, but I can’t attempt to explain how they managed to stick a landing like that, let alone immediately fly up that wall and do it again. And I can’t promise you that you’re Aunare enough to figure out this kind of a move in the middle of a forty-foot free fall.”

  Damn it. If Lorne could do it, then maybe I could, too. But that didn’t make me feel much better about trying. “If I break a bone, I get to break one of yours. Both of you get a broken bone.”

  “You’re not going to, so deal,” Declan said.

  This was so stupid. I could break my neck falling from this high up. I didn’t care how springy the floor was. It was firm enough for me to run on, and that meant it was too hard to cushion me from forty feet up.

  No. This wasn’t worth it. I hadn’t survived this long to die now. End of story. I wasn’t doing whatever shenanigans Declan wanted me to do today. It felt a little like a failure, but right now, this failure also felt smart.

  I grabbed for a lower hold and started my descent. I didn’t know what I was doing listening to him in the first place.

  I wasn’t sold on this whole fight-the-good-fight mission that Declan was focused on. No matter what he thought, I didn’t need to fight in the war that everyone knew was coming. I enjoyed training with him. It was keeping my mind off of everything else, but I wasn’t sure that going back to Earth was a good call for me. It would be different—way more dangerous than before. Everyone knew my face now.

  The door to my right slammed shut, and I twisted to see Lorne and Roan chatting, plus two other Aunare trailing behind them. Lorne’s guards. I’d seen them around enough to know who they were, even if I’d never been introduced to them.

  Great. Now, Lorne and his stupid guards were going to see how much of a chicken I was when apparently this was something toddler-me could do in her sleep.

  “What’s going on?” Lorne yelled up at me.

  “She’s too scared to let go,” Declan answered for me. “She thinks she’s going to break something.”

  “Ah.” He stared at Declan. “And you didn’t think to call me to help?”

  “She hasn’t asked for you.” The shitty tone of Declan’s words meant there was about to be another fight between them.

  There’d been too much drama between them lately. Whenever they were together, the bickering started pretty quickly. I knew they’d been friends before, but most days, I didn’t see even a hint of it left. I hated that the tension between them was mostly my fault. “Lorne. Go away! I don’t need your help. Declan. Shut up! You too, Ahiga. I can hear you laughing even if it’s not out loud. Roan. You’re fine. You can stay.”

  I glanced down to see no one listening to what I was saying. Instead, Lorne was pulling off his shirt and toeing off his shoes. He pulled something from his pocket and tied his shoulder-length black hair back. “All right. I’ll show you twice,” he yelled up at me. “Third time, you let go when I do.”

  “No. I’m coming down. I’ve been here for a while, and I’m calling it done.” I had a second to inhale before Lorne started climbing up. Except it wasn’t like climbing. It was like flying. He moved so fast, barely grabbing one hold before he was on to the next. And the next. And the next.

  And then he was dangling from the wall with one hand from
the hold next to me. “Hi.”

  I wanted to say it back, but I couldn’t think. He’d moved too fast. Too gracefully. Too everything. And now he was here, without his shirt. His skin was glowing. His glyphs—fao’ana—were nearly shimmering on his bright skin. And I forgot that I was hanging from forty feet up. I forgot that I was pushing him away—because all I wanted in that moment was him.

  His biceps flexed, but he wasn’t even breathing hard. His abs were so well defined that they didn’t seem real. I would’ve reached out to touch them if I wasn’t hanging on to the wall for dear life. His hair was pulled away from his face, but one strand was hanging loose, and I itched to see if the inky black strands were as soft as they looked.

  And those eyes. Every time I looked into his eyes, I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to jump. A part of me knew that if I did, I’d be safe. He would catch me. But he was the kind of man who would consume my body, heart, soul, until he was my whole world. There wouldn’t be a piece of me left for myself.

  He saw through the walls I’d built around myself until every bit of me was exposed. I wasn’t ready for that.

  I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready.

  I looked away, unable to hold his gaze for a second longer. But his finger brushed down my cheek, and tingles raced over my skin.

  My skin lit up with one small, solitary touch from his fingertip. Not fair at all.

  “There you are.”

  I looked at him again. With my skin glowing, I felt even more exposed. He shouldn’t be able to do that with a touch.

  His grin deepened. “You ready?” His voice was quiet and deep and made everything in me want to say yes, but in the back of my mind, I knew I was supposed to say no.

  I had to say no.

  “No.” The word was forced, but I’d said it.

  But no to what?

  “Wait.” I blinked a few times, trying to get my stupid lust in check. Stupid abs. Stupid arms. Stupid aquamarine eyes. “What?”

  He grinned, and I knew why I’d been avoiding him as much as possible. With one stupid smile, he made my insides flutter and fly.

  “Watch.”

  I swallowed, even though my mouth was suddenly dry. “Don’t let go.”

  “I’ll be fine. Watch.”

  He let go.

  I screamed in terror as I watched him fall.

  Oh my god. Oh my god. Ohmygod.

  He flipped as he fell, twisted, and then landed on his feet two squares over from Declan. He ran back at the wall and monkeyed up faster this time.

  “Hi, again.” He was grinning at me again.

  I hadn’t breathed since I screamed like a little bitch, but I couldn’t think about that since I was trying to process what I’d just witnessed.

  He cupped my cheek. “Breathe, please.” His voice held a hint of laughter in it, or maybe it was satisfaction.

  Air rushed into my lungs. “What the hell was that?!” He’d made it down and back up in seconds.

  What the hell was he?

  “I’m going to push off the wall again. Instead of screaming this time, try watching. I’ll be fine. This is what the wall was built for.” He gave me a wink.

  “No. No! Wait!”

  But he was already falling again. This time I didn’t scream. I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t do anything but watch him as he dove gracefully to the ground. I held my breath, but he landed on his hands, flipped backward, and then ran at the wall again.

  Holy shit. He was a machine.

  “Third time.” He was hanging next to me again, not even sweating yet. “Can you let go with me?”

  My jaw dropped open as if I was going to say something, but my mind was blank.

  One of the guards yelled up at him. I couldn’t understand the Aunare. Not even a word of it. Even after weeks of lessons with Declan. I sometimes wore a tiny translator in one ear. It was a useful, nearly invisible piece of tech, but I only put it in when I really needed it.

  Lorne glanced down and said something back.

  I forced myself to look away from Lorne. The guards on the ground were pulling off their shirts and shoes.

  I licked my lips, wondering if I wanted to know what they said, and decided I did. “What?”

  He let out a long breath. I knew he’d been hoping I’d learn Aunare, and I was trying, but it wasn’t sticking. The harder I worked at it, the less I seemed to learn. After weeks of lessons, I could barely say hello, good-bye, and thank you. I didn’t know what my problem was. Even Roan was picking it up faster than me.

  “They said I wasn’t allowed to have all the fun.”

  “This is fun?” I was seriously questioning the sanity of the Aunare.

  “I think so.” He looked down again and said something to Declan.

  “I already offered that up to her.” He still sounded pissy.

  “What?” I hated this. I hated that I didn’t understand them.

  “Fine. I’ll do it.” Lorne hit some buttons on his wrist unit, and then he looked at me. “Watch the back wall.”

  It took shifting my grip a bit and finding a new toehold, but I did.

  “Watch,” Lorne said again.

  “There’s nothing—”

  But then there was something on the back wall. A video. A little girl—me—ran up the wall with Lorne at her side. They were laughing as they did it. Talking back and forth in Aunare. When they hit the ground, they paused, talking, and then I thought Lorne must’ve been counting. I didn’t know the Aunare numbers, but I knew a race when I saw one.

  My gut clenched as they took off, and I silently cheered the younger version of me to move faster than Lorne. To beat him. To be faster than him.

  It was impossible. But then she did the impossible.

  She beat him.

  I looked at Lorne. “You let me beat you?”

  “No. Not that time. I promised you I wouldn’t let you win when we were on the ground.”

  “A six-year-old can’t beat a seventeen-year-old.”

  “Unless that six-year-old is you. Trust me when I say that you’re faster than me. You have a fao’ana on your left arm about an inch from your wrist that proves it. You will always be faster than me, no matter how hard I work at it. And I will always be stronger than you. So, we’ll call it even. Or better yet—a good match.”

  Lorne let go without saying another word, and I almost—almost shouted for him, but then he was on the ground with his two guards, and they raced up.

  Lorne beat them to the top, but not by much.

  They did it five times before Lorne stopped beside me again. “It almost feels like flying once you’ve got the hang of it.”

  I looked down again at Ahiga, Declan, and Roan. They’d moved back to watch from the far wall.

  “All you have to do is let go.”

  I swallowed. “I can’t. I can’t do this.” I felt like I was failing him. Failing Declan. Failing everyone, but I couldn’t make myself let go. I didn’t feel like I was Aunare enough for this.

  “Do you trust me to catch you?”

  This was so embarrassing. “I can climb down.” No one needed to catch me. I didn’t trust anyone that much.

  “Stop. Don’t take this as a failure. Declan’s never done this before, so he doesn’t know how to teach you. I was the one who taught you to do it the first time. It was you and me. Always. You can do this, but you need to let me teach you again.”

  I wasn’t sure. I wanted to give up.

  “Amihanna.” He took a long breath. “Please. You refused to let anyone celebrate your birthday last week. We all understood. We gave you the space you asked for. But now, it’s time to live again. This is a fun exercise. It clears the mind, gives you a great workout, and can be very relaxing. When was the last time you had fun?”

  Never. I almost answered with never, but I shook my head. I didn’t really have an answer for him. I was sure I had fun, but when?

  “Roan!” Lorne yelled down.
/>   “What’s up?”

  “When did Ami have fun on Earth?”

  Roan laughed. “Try never.”

  My best friend was selling me out? “That’s not true! We had fun patrolling.”

  “That was work. Dangerous work.” Roan crossed his arms as he stared up at me. “Doesn’t count.”

  I nearly sputtered, but whatever. There had to be something that counted. “I went to Starlite with you a bunch of times.”

  “Twice. Two times, Am. Not a bunch. And I dragged you both times. And you stayed for like ten minutes and—”

  Come on. He was killing me here. “Haden—”

  Roan gave me his you’re-kidding huff of a laugh. “You blew him off before the fun could really get started. Even though I still think if you’d fuc—”

  “Oh my god.” My cheeks burned like fire at what he’d almost said. “Shut up!” Why had I brought Haden up?

  “Come down here and make me! Let go!”

  I hated that Roan knew all my secrets and didn’t mind sharing them, especially with Lorne. “You’re fired as a best friend.”

  “No. Sorry, babe.” He walked closer, and I could see the smile on his face. His white teeth stood out against his dark skin. “Best friend is not a fire-able position. It’s forever for us.”

  I closed my eyes. He was right. “Then I hate you.”

  “No, you don’t. You love me.”

  Also true, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t hate him a little bit right now. “If I fall, would you catch me?”

  “Hell no! We’re not that good of friends. You’d crush me.” He stepped back as if I’d test him on that. “Better let Lorne do it.”

  I looked at Lorne, who winked at me.

  Jesus. My best friend was in cahoots with my—

  Lorne wasn’t my anything because he wasn’t mine. It was just a contract. A betrothal contract that made him feel obligated to help me. He didn’t know me. There’s no way he had feelings for me. And it wasn’t his fault that he was so freaking hot and had the most dreamy eyes that made my skin light with too many unspoken feelings that I just didn’t feel comfortable around him.

  I’d never been so attracted to a guy before, but that was my problem.

  And really, anyone would be attracted to him. He was beautiful.