Off Balance Read online

  Amihanna placed her tiny hands on my cheeks. Her skin was glowing, and her fao’ana burned bright. Even if she’d had neither, she could never be mistaken as Earther. Her eyes were brown—a very uncommon color for Aunare—but they were oversized like our females. She also had our typical heart-shaped face, with a slightly pointed chin. Her hair was in an Earther braid, and she wore Earther clothes, but there was no mistaking her heritage. The mix of her Earther mother and Aunare father blended into one tiny, adorable person.

  “Don’t be mad, Lorne. It’s dangerous to let your emotions get so out of control. What do you have to be upset about? You’re the one sparring, while I’m stuck learning stupid history and running errands with my mom. If you think about it, I should be the mad one.”

  I wasn’t shielding my emotions well enough if she’d felt my anger, but having her here already had my temper calming. “History’s not stupid.” I tickled her sides, and her giggles warmed my heart. “You’re supposed to learn what happened in the past so that when you rule with me, we can avoid as many mistakes as we can.”

  She lowered her forehead to mine. “Why are you mad? Is it because you watched the news? Because I was watching earlier, and it seems to me that violence is coming. I don’t think they’re going to wait until the treaty is over.”

  “Did you overhear me talking to your father?’

  Her eyes widened as she leaned back. “No.”

  Sometimes she gave me the tiniest peek into the ruler she’d become. Her ability to understand and analyze problems was amazing.

  “Then what makes you think that it’s going to turn violent?” I set her on her feet and squatted in front of her. I wanted her to know that she had my full attention.

  “They were talking about the treaty on the stations, and—”

  “Which one?” Each station tended to have its own view. I wanted to make sure she was properly taking that into account. As queen, she needed to be very aware of where her information was coming from.

  She rolled her eyes at me. “All of them. Like you taught me. So that I could get a wide variety of opinions and viewpoints to better inform my own.” She gave me a sassy look as she parroted my words back to me.

  I swallowed down the laughter. She was whip-smart, but the combination of wise words and a child’s voice was hilarious. “And what’s your opinion?”

  “There are only six months left, and most Earthers think it was a stupid treaty in the first place—”

  “Some Aunare agree, but it helped us know our enemy.”

  “Yeah, but really—you and Declan spending six months together on Sel’Ani and then six months on Earth in some sort of ruler exchange program is dumb. I’m only six, and even I know it.”

  I tapped her nose. “But you’re a very wise six-year-old.”

  “I know.”

  Her matter-of-factness made me laugh. “I tend to agree, but I’m nearly done with it. Six more months. And it’s won me some powerful allies among the Earthers. So, it’s not a total loss.”

  “I guess not, but they hate us.” She frowned. “Me especially. The things they said. That the Aunare are the reason life is hard—and getting harder—on Earth. That it’s our fault people are dying because we won’t share our tech to heal their sick. Or share our wealth to shelter the homeless and feed the hungry. But I’ve had dinner at the Murtaghs house, and they have loads of money. Their forks have diamonds on them. Diamonds, Lorne. One of those forks could feed a city for months, and they must have millions of them. Why can’t they help their own people?”

  “Because they’re bad rulers.”

  She bit her bottom lip, and I felt her growing sadness.

  “What else did you hear?” When she didn’t answer me, I sighed. “Tell me.”

  She fiddled with her shirt for a moment before speaking. “They called me—well all halfers—an abomination.” She muttered the last oh so quietly.

  The pain I felt from her echoed my own. “You’re not an abomination, Amihanna. You’re a gift and—”

  Elizabeth came running into the room, totally out of breath, along with three guards. Rysden moved to go to her, but she held up her hand and leaned against the wall, chest heaving.

  I looked at Amihanna. She was about to be in big trouble. “What have you done?”

  Amihanna shoved me hard enough that I had to put my hand to the floor or else topple out of my squat.

  “It’s not my fault. You got angry, and I felt it, so I came to help. It’s what we do for each other. We balance. You said so!” She turned to her mother. “I swear. It’s not my fault!”

  “Where were you?” Rysden asked with a tone that told me that I was right. She was about to get into big trouble.

  Elizabeth straightened. “At the market just down the road. I was picking fruit, and all of a sudden, she was gone—vanished—and I—” She pressed her hand to her heart, and then the fear must’ve given way to anger. Her cheeks reddened as she stepped toward her daughter. “Amihanna di Aetes! You do not run away. You don’t leave without your guards. It’s not safe!”

  “I don’t need the guards to keep me safe, Mom.” Amihanna looked positively insulted. “I’m faster than them. And I can beat each of them sparring.”

  She was right. She could beat them in the gym, but being out in the real world was much more dangerous. The people who would take her wouldn’t play by any rules we had set up for her safety. The guards served as a deterrent and a shield for any threat, but I worried that Amihanna didn’t realize their importance. She thought she didn’t need them, and that wasn’t good.

  Elizabeth put her hands over her eyes. Her Earther skin might not be able to glow, but she was visibly struggling to rein in her anger. “Rysden. Help me, please.”

  “Amihanna, we have rules for one reason,” Rysden said. “To keep you safe. You must learn to follow them, or you’ll not be allowed out of this house.”

  “My guards don’t keep me safe. I keep me safe. I’m strong. Even you say so, Dad.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. That earned me a look from Rysden, but I just shrugged.

  “Plus, we’re going home tomorrow, so then I’ll really be safe. I won’t even need guards. They don’t hate me nearly half as much there.”

  I shot a look of my own at Rysden. He gave me a small shrug, and I knew he hadn’t told her yet.

  “What? What aren’t you telling me?” She glanced at her parents before turning to me. “We’re mirrors. We don’t keep secrets.”

  I guessed I had to be the one to break the news. “You’re not coming with us.”

  “What?” The heartbreak and fear in her voice hit me hard. “What do you mean?”

  “I know. I’m sorry, but your father—”

  “But we’re never apart. I always come with you to Earth when you have to leave, and go back home with you when you go home. Why can’t I go with you? I won’t take up much room on the ship! I promise! I’m small!” Her skin started glowing brighter, and I ran my hand down her cheek, trying to calm her before she did something she would regret.

  “I know, but it won’t be for long.” I looked at Rysden, and he nodded his agreement. Good. At least I didn’t have to fight him on that much. “Breathe. Calm, Amihanna.”

  “But if you go…if you’re not here…” Ami’s words were quiet and breathy with fear. “I don’t have control without you. The Earthers will find out about what I can do. It will be bad. My father wouldn’t leave me here if it wasn’t something your father decided. Please. Call him. You can make your father understand.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. She knew more than she should at her age. She was off the charts with her intellect and her ability to process problems. Her ability to strategize would do her well when she was older, but she was still a child. She had no control over her fate. Even being eleven—almost twelve—years older than her, I didn’t have any power either. My father had final say.

  For now, we were beholden to the whims of a weak, worthless king.


  I met her beautiful brown gaze and watched her eyes fill up with tears. Someone so little shouldn’t have to shoulder so much responsibility, but that was how it was for her. Just as it had been for me. “Amihanna. Don’t cry. You have the control inside you. Remember the breath. Remember that I believe in you. And if you need to let go and I’m not here, find a quiet spot and practice the katas I showed you to let your power out slowly.”

  Her bottom lip quivered as she blinked away the tears in her eyes. “This is why you got so mad. This is why you were afraid. Because you have to leave me here.”

  I nodded. There would be no secrets between us. “It is.”

  She swiped at the few tears that had slipped free. “I understand.” She swallowed down her sadness, stood straight, chin high, like the perfect little princess. “Then there’s nothing we can do.”

  “No.”

  “Hey! Is this where the farewell party is?” Declan strode into the gym wearing his ever-present smile, and froze. “I…I feel like I missed something.”

  Amihanna ran to him, grabbed his hand, and dragged him into the room.“Everything’s terrible. The king is forcing me to stay here tomorrow, and—”

  “No.” Declan’s smile melted away. He always smiled—even through the worst things. It was one of his coping mechanisms. But no hint of his smile lingered on his face now.

  His instant reaction solidified the growing pit of fear in my stomach.

  Declan pulled his hand away from Amihanna as he faced me. “Absolutely not. She can’t stay. It’d be too tempting to my father, and—”

  “What do you know?” Rysden’s voice was razor-sharp, and his question held a hint of a threat if it went unanswered.

  “Nothing that’s helpful.” His grunt of frustration told me he’d tried. Declan didn’t like failing us, not even in the tiniest way. “They make sure I don’t know anything anymore. I’m trying to work my way in again, but they think—and they’re right—that I’ve flipped sides. But I know my father. The future queen left unguarded? He won’t pass up that opportunity.”

  “She won’t be unguarded,” Rysden said. “I’m leaving my best fighters—”

  “Stop talking about me like I’m not here! I don’t need any guards!” She ran at the climbing wall. She was gripping the lowest handhold before I even processed what she was doing.

  She climbed up the forty-foot climbing wall impossibly fast. And then she was jumping away from the wall spiraling as she fell, fell, fell...

  My heart raced, and I ran, catching her just before she slammed into the unforgiving floor.

  I held her tight against my chest, thankful that I’d gotten to her before she’d hurt herself.

  Amihanna was too strong and too fast for her age. She hadn’t developed any real fears yet. She thought she was invincible and took too many risks. Maybe we’d babied her too much, but I just wanted to protect her.

  But if I was gone, who would be here to catch her? Who would protect her?

  “Why are you mad now?”

  I brushed a kiss on top of her head and then set her on her feet. I gripped her shoulders so she couldn’t get away. “This climbing wall isn’t like the one at home, remember? The floors aren’t cushioned at all. You could break something jumping from that high up. No climbing on this wall when I’m not here. Okay?”

  She tossed her long braid over her shoulder. “I’ve done it before, and I knew you’d catch me. You’re always there when I need you.”

  She didn’t know how deeply her words cut, and I looked at Rysden as my own skin flared with anger.

  “Come on, honey.” Elizabeth took Amihanna’s hand and pulled her away.

  I didn’t want to let go.

  “She’ll be okay, Lorne. Don’t worry.”

  I let her go. “Be good to your mother, and no more running from your guards. Okay?”

  “Okay.” She sighed. “But we won’t be apart for long, right? And you’ll have Noriali bake me some ra’altan when I get there.”

  “Of course I will. Nori will be happy to bake anything you like. Go on. The sooner I finish up here, the sooner we can have dinner.”

  Her mother carried her away, and I was sadder than I’d ever been.

  “This is dumb,” Declan said.

  “I know.” Did he think I didn’t understand?

  Declan stepped closer to me. “If you cared about stopping this war at all, you wouldn’t let her—”

  “Don’t.” That was more than enough to piss me off.

  He paced away. “We need to stop this war. Your High Priestess said it would take all three of us to take down my father, and I believe her. It makes sense. We need Amihanna to—”

  Declan was overstepping. “Stop it. She’s not a tool to use. She’s a child.” Why was I the only one that remembered that? Even her father liked to talk too much about her destiny, pushing her too hard. She needed time to play. To be a kid.

  “I know, but she’s going to need to grow up fast now that—”

  “Right.” Exactly what I didn’t want. “I need to finish my workout, Dec.”

  “All right.” He drew out the words. “I’ll wait, and we could spar after.”

  “No.” I didn’t trust myself not to hurt him. I was so much stronger and faster than him, and I felt my control slipping already. “I need a minute to let go.”

  Declan stood there, staring at me, and I looked away—busying myself with digging out another hair tie from my pocket. I knew I’d hurt his feelings, but I needed space to beat back this helpless fear I had. The treaty was ending soon, and things were going to happen quickly.

  He left without another word.

  I knew I’d have to apologize, but right now, I was too frustrated to make it sound even the least bit sincere.

  “I can’t believe we’re leaving her here.” My soft words were heavily weighted with my fear. I was terrified of what Declan’s family would do to her if they managed to steal her away.

  “The thing to remember is that Amihanna is strong. If something happens, she will protect herself. We’ve both made sure of it. We’ve been training her since she could walk.”

  “That’s not much comfort right now.” If anything, it was the opposite. “She’s too close to the Murtaghs here. I don’t trust them.”

  “Me either, Your Highness. Me either.”

  Rysden had been more honest and open with me this evening than he’d ever been, and I had to trust him. I had to believe that he would get back here before anything happened to her. I had no other choice.

  I closed my eyes, letting the power in me die slowly. When I opened them again, my skin didn’t even have a hint of glow to it. “Alright.”

  “Good.” He blew out a breath. “So, do you want another match, or would you like to tire yourself out on the wall?”

  I’d scolded Amihanna from jumping off the top, but it was our favorite exercise. On Sel’Ani, I let her land all by herself. She couldn’t hurt herself there. But the gym floors on Sel’Ani were very, very different. I didn’t want her spraining her ankle by landing on these hard Earther floors—especially if she was going to need to defend herself while we were gone.

  But I could land just fine here, and I wasn’t afraid of a little pain.

  Which would settle me more?

  “Maybe one more round of sparing, and then I’ll take to the wall.” That might help clear my mind, and—having called up so much power—I would have trouble sleeping without at least a little bit of a battle. “Then I’ll shower, and we’ll have dinner. Can we leave first thing in the morning? I want to be far away from SpaceTech. It’s been a long six months. I miss home. Desperately. And the quicker we leave, the sooner you’ll be back here.”

  “I think I can make that happen, Your Highness. I’ll message the pilots before we start.” He typed quickly on his wrist unit. “You’ll be home soon. Take heart in the fact that you don’t have to come back to Earth. At least hopefully not for a good long while.”

  “Thank
the Goddess for that.” I just hoped that the war would hold another fortnight. Rysden might think that I was the answer for the Aunare. That I could take over soon, and everything would be okay. But he was wrong.

  Amihanna was the hope all the Aunare needed. She would heal the universe.

  After all, it was written on her skin.

  Chapter Two

  AMIHANNA

  Sel’Ani.

  Present Day.

  Three weeks after escaping Abaddon.

  * * *

  I hung from a grip on the wall and looked down at Declan and Ahiga, a good forty feet below me. The wall was white, but every five or so feet, the knobby holds changed color. Red, blue, green, yellow. They went all the way to black at the top—fifty feet up. I was currently in the purple zone. Way too high to be messing around.

  “This is crazy,” I muttered to myself. I could almost hear Declan telling me this was perfectly sane, but I was having no part of it.

  Other than the wall I was hanging from, the rest of the gym’s walls were thick with all-white padding, and the springy floor was checkered light green and cream. I swore it was made of something magical. It was firm enough to run on. Yet when I fell, the material suddenly would give under my body, turning into a soft cushion—soft enough to soak up the force from most falls. The lift I got from it was amazing, too. It made doing gymnastics extra fun.

  There were three doors—one on each non-climbing wall—that led into the gym. Seating took up one long wall so that spectators could come in and watch practice, but I liked to be gone before anyone showed up. I’d spent too many years hiding to ever feel comfortable out in the open.

  This afternoon, it was just the three of us in here. We’d been training for a few hours already when Declan told me to climb up. When I got here, he told me to let go.

  Not fucking happening, dude.

  I’d fallen from a few feet, and the high tech flooring had saved me from any injury. But I wasn’t convinced that floor would be cushy enough to save my bones from a fall this high up. The force of that kind of an impact might be too much.