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  Eshrin motioned to Grugitrg and to me, and I was confused until I looked back at the bloody pile that was left.

  Oh shit.

  It looked like I’d used my power on him.

  Oh shit.

  Oh fucking shit.

  I was going to get blamed for this. Everyone saw me run after him. Everyone knew what I could do.

  Lorne was going to be so pissed at me if I got arrested again.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  AMIHANNA

  I didn’t have to stay behind for questioning because everyone was afraid of me. Afraid of Lorne. Afraid of people that had already declared war on one member of the alliance and supposedly thirsty for more blood.

  They blamed me for Grugitrg’s death. Normally, that would’ve bothered me, but I knew they were going to blame me. I knew the second I’d seen his dead remains on the street. The only thing that might save this from turning into something big was the fact that on the top button of my vest was a hidden camera. Roan put one that looked like a tiny flake of glitter on my vest, and he was currently downloading the clip of what happened in the streets of Yhonie-atala. It wouldn’t matter what proof I had. SpaceTech wouldn’t waste such a good opportunity to cause trouble. Something was coming because of Grugitrg’s murder, but I wasn’t going to wait around for it. I needed a plan. Especially now that the poison in my blood had been activated.

  The ringing in my ears died down after a few minutes, but the headache was lingering. Eshrin scanned me twenty times before letting me get in the on-planet vehicle. I crawled into Lorne’s lap once inside and closed my eyes as soon as the ship was moving, but I didn’t say anything. Neither did he. I was pretty sure we were both in shock. It was one thing to know that I was poisoned. It was an entirely different thing to see my reaction to the poison and what the end result could be—a bloody, gruesome, instant death.

  We needed to get to a quiet, private place, and we’d have that soon as we got to the house Lorne had rented. Roan and Fynea were there waiting for us with the support staff, but the guards wanted to check the house themselves before we went inside. Which was fine with me. If there was a hidden device somewhere in the house that could set off the poison again as soon as I was in range…

  I didn’t know if that was even possible—if a device like that even existed that could sense the presence of a poisoned person—but I could imagine any number of awful scenarios right now, and that wasn’t helping anything.

  When I felt the ship start to slow, I tried to slide off of Lorne’s lap, but he held me in place. It felt like it took minutes to get there, but when I looked at my wrist unit, it’d been over an hour. I didn’t think I’d fallen asleep, but I must’ve at least drifted for a bit. Which was probably a good thing. Sleep was healing, and the pounding in my head told me that I needed lots of healing.

  As soon as the house came in view, I decided “house” was the wrong word. Palace? Castle? I wasn’t sure, but it was smaller and much more rustic than my father’s estate. Lights hung from trees surrounding the massive cottage. The design of the cottage reminded me of those at the Garden Shops, except a much, much larger version. Big enough to easily house all of the Aunare that came off of Lorne’s ship with us—which were mostly our guards and some support staff. It would also hold Audrey and some of her doctor and scientist coworkers whenever we got clearance to land one more ship.

  I wasn’t sure if tonight’s events would affect that negotiation, but I had a pretty strong feeling it would. I had little hope that Audrey would be here anytime soon, and now that I needed her, I was getting impatient.

  I’d started a countdown on my wrist unit. One day until the lucole in my system would become neutral again, which was a massive assumption on my part. That’s how long the lucole on Apollyon would stay active, but the little bits in my blood could stay active for longer. Or—if I was lucky—maybe shorter. Either way, I hoped that being active meant that the lucole poison could be detected by our scans. That would make this whole thing worthwhile. Possibly.

  It was a thin hope, but I was holding on to it with everything I had.

  Lorne opened the vehicle’s door, and I slid out to take in the house.

  I approved of the location. The road to the house wound up a hill so tall that I wasn’t sure if it was still considered a hill or a small mountain. There was a flat space at the top next to the house that had plenty of room for our ships to land and take off, even if it was technically illegal for them to bypass the official landing zones. The city lights glimmered far off in the distance, but here it was only the stars, the lights scattered in the trees, and the lights inside the house that lit the night.

  It honestly checked all the boxes for me. Outside of the city on a hill. Lots of room. It would be easy to defend, easy to flee. Which seemed incredibly important given recent events.

  I turned to Lorne. “Who found this place?”

  “Fynea and Ashino. I’ve stayed here before, but it’s usually booked up in advance.”

  We didn’t have a ton of advance notice before booking before this trip. “It wasn’t booked up this time?”

  “No.”

  That didn’t make me feel great about staying here. “Coincidence or…?”

  Lorne suddenly looked tired. “If you’d asked me a few hours ago, I would’ve said coincidence for sure, but now I’m not sure.”

  We watched as our guards exited the vehicles to search the grounds. Some had small devices in their hands. Others had faksanos ready to strike anyone attempting to hide. They moved methodically around the exterior of the property before moving inside.

  “How long does this usually take?”

  Lorne leaned his hip against the vehicle and looked down at me. “Depends. Sometimes a few minutes. Sometimes a while. The place has been cleared already, but I think our guards are going to be extra thorough tonight.” He brushed his hand down my face. “How are you?”

  “Fine,” I said, but it was more of an automatic reply than an accurate one.

  He studied me for a second. “Are you sure? You were very quiet on the trip over here, and I couldn’t tell if you were actually asleep.”

  “No. I’m not sure if I’m fine at all.” He wanted more—I knew he did because I could feel his worry—but I honestly wasn’t feeling anything. Or maybe I was feeling too many things. But I didn’t want to talk about any of them.

  Lorne tugged me closer, until his arms wrapped around me. I felt like if I leaned into him, that I would lose some of my strength, but I couldn’t help it.

  I relaxed against him and took a deep breath. His hand rubbed up and down my spine, comforting me.

  “How are you feeling?” He asked, gently urging me to tell the truth.

  I wanted to lie so that he wouldn’t freak out, but all I had left in me was the truth. “My head hurts, but the ringing is gone. That was the worst part. I can hear now, so that’s better. And my nose isn’t bleeding anymore. So, I guess I’m better than I was?” I wasn’t sure that was right, but I hoped it was true.

  His fingers tangled in my hair as he held me to him. “I have no idea what to do. I feel like I should send you away, but I’m terrified of what might happen to you if I let you out of my sight again. I think we should leave immediately, but we desperately need a sample of the poison—which means we should stay until we have it.” He pushed me away just enough to look down at me. “Tell me what to do because I’m not seeing a lot of good options here.”

  “That’s because there are no good options, but it’s my life that’s in immediate danger right now, so it’s my choice? Right?”

  He nodded. “It’s yours. I don’t think I can handle making this decision. For once, I just want someone else to make it. Please.”

  This was one decision I was happy to take from him. “I vote we stay until we get a sample, but I need Audrey here. I know Eshrin ran scans but—”

  “He’s been extensively medically trained because that’s what it takes to be head guard, but
I agree. That’s not his talent.”

  I shivered, but I wasn’t cold. Just tired and stressed and possibly shaking from the shock of everything that had happened today.

  Lorne ran his hands up and down my arms, easing the shivers a little. “We need Audrey. If we can’t get her down here within the hour, then I think we should go into orbit tonight. I don’t like that you’re shaking.”

  That felt like a weight lifted, which meant it was the right choice. “I’m going to be okay. I know that. I keep telling myself that I’ve been through worse, but yes. Going to Audrey if she can’t come here would be good.”

  “As soon as the house is cleared, let’s get you resting and comfortable and find you some food. We’ll see about Audrey, and then either wait for her or head to the official landing pad and meet her in orbit.”

  A plan. I liked it. “Agreed.”

  “Good.” He tugged me against him again. “I’m sorry about Grugitrg, but I hope you’re not taking his death on you.”

  “I’m not. The guy was clearly into something bad. Maybe I pressed him too hard and I should feel some portion of guilt for his death, but life is dangerous. Especially now. The one thing I’ve tried to remember is that I can’t take responsibility for someone else’s actions. He made his choice, and unfortunately, that choice wasn’t a good one. It got him killed. If he’d stayed, talked to me, maybe we could’ve helped him.”

  “That’s incredibly insightful. I kept waiting for you to break down or be upset, but you aren’t.”

  It wasn’t that his death didn’t matter. Lives mattered, but this man’s choices in life led him down a certain path. I wouldn’t take on the guilt for his choices, especially those taken long before I’d ever met him.

  But I didn’t want Lorne to think I didn’t care. I did. It was just different for me. “I’ve seen a lot of death. A lot of awful, painful, pointless death. Grugitrg wasn’t an innocent. That made it easier than a lot of other deaths I’ve seen.” I leaned back a little so I could study him, and he looked down at me. We usually understood each other well and thought similarly about a lot of things, but he still was coming to terms with the reality of my past.

  But I couldn’t keep things from him. Not anymore. I’d lied while I was on the ship by using those filters, and I wouldn’t do that again. “I’m scared. I’m not making light of what happened to Grugitrg or that I have activated lucole in my blood right now. It’s a lot. But I’ve also faced a lot, and this poison and Grugitrg? Those are just two more things.”

  “I hate this.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before opening them and staring down at me. “This is my fault. I should’ve blown up that gun as soon as I saw it, and now you’re—”

  “—not dead yet.” I laughed at the look of horror on his face. “I’m sorry. I have to laugh and make fun of this or I’ll freak out, but I won’t let you take any blame. Especially because I’m going to be okay. This isn’t good, but we’ll figure it out.”

  He looked like he was going to argue with me, but he didn’t. “I really do feel like this is my fault.” His words were soft and heartbroken, and it made my own heart ache.

  “It’s not your fault, Lorne.” He didn’t look like he believed me, so I decided to explain it another way. “If you’d blown up that gun, you might have poisoned that child, whose little body might not have been strong enough to fight off the poison at all. It could have killed her instantly. How would you feel about playing a part in the death of an innocent little girl?”

  He looked off into the night. His already glowing skin brightened a half a shade more.

  Exactly. “I know you believe in your Goddess, but I have absolute faith in my God. There is absolutely no reason I should still be alive right now unless it was in God’s plan. How was it that no one found me in that dumpster? How did Jorge find me right when I was about to give up on life? How was it that another halfer was on Abaddon with me? One with the medical expertise to help keep me alive when I needed it most? It doesn’t make any sense when you think about it.”

  It really didn’t. It was beyond luck. “The odds were against me every single day, but if I couldn’t survive on my own, then the right person always appeared at exactly the right time to save me. Just like you did on that day when I was dying on Apollyon. You got there right on time. When things are hard, you have to focus on the good parts and hold on to them. We have a lot of good right now. If I hadn’t been poisoned, we wouldn’t know it existed, what it could do, that SpaceTech had murdered everyone in the Zktra system, and all the other things we know now. And because it’s in me, we have a chance to come up with an antidote before we make our move against SpaceTech. That could ultimately save countless Aunare lives. So, stop focusing on the bad.” I turned to Fynea, who had been waiting with Roan by the entrance of the house for a report from the guards. “Fynea! Can you come closer?” I yelled at her.

  She started making her way toward me with Roan. When she was close enough so that I didn’t have to yell, I asked my question. “Is Audrey coming? Because if it’s not soon, I’m getting back in that vehicle and going to her.” We’d waited long enough for approval.

  “She just got clearance to come with two others on a small, short-range vessel. She should be here within the hour.” She scrunched her nose for a second. “I hope you don’t mind but I might have fudged a little to make that happen.” She looked sorry, but not that sorry for whatever she’d done.

  I glanced at Roan, but he just gave me a smirk. If I was reading him right, he thought whatever Fynea lied about was funny.

  I probably wouldn’t mind whatever she’d said, but now I was curious. “Fudged a little?”

  “I might have implied that you were with child and might need your special halfer medical expert after the excitement of tonight’s events.”

  I groaned, which made Roan laugh. “Great. Fantastic. I’m looking forward to that getting out in the news.” But whatever. So people would stare at my stomach for a while and speculate if it was true or not, but at least Audrey would be here soon.

  I turned to Lorne. “When Audrey messaged me, she said she was going to bring two other Aunare lucole experts who have been studying this, and Tyler because he wouldn’t let Audrey go without him. And now we know they’ll be here soon. We have a few leads that we’re going to pursue. And I have a fuckload of royal guards forming a line between me and anyone that could hurt me. This is honestly not that bad.”

  Lorne still wasn’t looking at me, but he brightened a little more.

  Okay. That tactic wasn’t working at all. I needed to change the focus of the conversation. Quickly. “The important thing is that we keep taking action.” I spotted Eshrin and Ashino coming out of the house and started toward them. “Tell me what you learned from your meeting at the welcome dinner.”

  Lorne shoved his hands into his pockets. “It was a lot of nothing, except for one nugget. Declan took your friend from Abaddon, and we need to find him.”

  “Who?” I was confused. What friend? “We need to find Declan?”

  “No. Your friend from Abaddon.”

  What friend from Abaddon? I was so confused. My friends from Abaddon were Audrey and Tyler, and they were currently on a ship about to land on Telnon. Who was he talking about?

  And then it hit me.

  Audrey and Tyler weren’t the only people that left Abaddon with me. There were others. Those who had been secretly stashed away on Sel’Ani when I first got there. But Declan had given them a choice to go with him to Earth. And they’d all left.

  Matthew.

  Matthew was the one he was talking about.

  Matthew was the one who used to coordinate all of the supplies out of Abaddon. He knew where things were going, how much, what exactly it was and what it could be used for. He had all the specifics on everything.

  He was right. We needed Matthew.

  Damn it. How did we keep messing things up?

  “Have you heard from Declan?” I knew the answer—
I knew what Haden had said about Declan being MIA—but I had to ask Lorne just in case he’d forgotten to tell me while I was in the healing pods or taking one of the million tests they put me through the last few days.

  Lorne shook his head, and any hope I had disappeared.

  “I’ve been trying, but he’s either not getting my messages or…”

  “Ice it all. We need Matthew.” He’d know everything, and I’d never even questioned him. I’d never even seen him since we were on Lorne’s ship speeding away from Abaddon. It never even occurred to me to ask him about what supplies went where.

  “Why did we let Declan take Matthew?” I whispered more to myself than to anyone because it was my fault. I should’ve paid attention, but I was so busy with my own shit and adjusting to life on Sel’Ani that I might have just screwed up big time.

  “What reason did I have for detaining him?” Lorne’s words were brittle and defensive.

  “We didn’t. Unless we made a case that he was a SpaceTech operative, had been in their elite forces with Ahiga before working on Abaddon, which meant he had the highest clearance and you probably didn’t know any of this.” I squeezed my eyes shut, and I knew this was my fault.

  “No. I didn’t. And no one told me. Not Declan and not you.” He was pissed.

  To be fair, so was I, but this was also not his fault. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you who everyone was and we should’ve talked about it, but I wasn’t in any shape to do anything but try to heal.” I was quiet for a second as I thought through that mistake and came to terms with the choices that I’d made. “We didn’t have any legal reason for keeping him. If he wanted to leave, then there was nothing you could’ve done, but I wished we’d asked him a few things before he left.”

  We couldn’t change the past. We could only move forward.

  Matthew—along with any information he knew—was gone.